Learning Lessons from our parents

Speaker 1 00:01

Speaker 2 00:03

Speaker 1 00:04
Growing Pains.

Speaker 2 00:05
Growing Pains.

Caroline Brunne:  00:05
Welcome to Growing Pains. 

Our relationships with our parents can be complicated to say the least. Especially when we move from our childhood to adulthood. Seeing our parents as fellow adults can be fraught with frustrations as we call on them for advice, but also question their choices as fellow adults. 

Today on the podcast, I have Jump Daddy as my guest. He is one of the duo that have released the podcast Dad to me. Now his cohost, Dr. Tom is a lecturer in Latin at the University of Standrews in Scotland. Yes, quite hate Mitwills, if you know what I’m talking about. His published books lectured around the world and he has been also arrested for public nudity, but only once. He donated sperm to a same sex couple and is currently navigating the meaning of being a Dad and not really a Dad. 

Jump Daddy, who I’ve spoken with on today’s episode, dropped out of clown school in France yet somehow still made it as a professional idiot. So he says. An Australian comedian he has performed at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe Sydney Opera House, Melbourne International Comedy Festival and every single Commonwealth country. There are 54 of them. He is not yet the Father. But he did have one for a really long time. Now together they host the podcast, Dad to me, which is an experiment in cross generational communication. It shows the power of media to open people up. Using the particular capabilities of the podcast medium, it gets adult children listening harder to speakers they’ve long written off, and it gets older fathers spinning the yarn in a new way. 

The show features a diverse mix of participants drawn from many genders, sexual orientations and ethnicities. It also deals with the contemporary conditions of fatherhood, far beyond the traditional nuclear family. With two full episodes devoted to double dads, same sex male couples with an egg donor and surrogate and no dads same sex female couples with a sperm donor. 

Another full episode pays homage to a series of dads who are no longer with us, and paws over the weird and wonderful objects they have left in their wake. All in all, Dads me is a rollicking podcast full of laughter, empathy, awkwardness, eccentricity and real human connection. If you’ve ever been a father, a child, or even both, it will give you an insight into how we break the deadlock to get the conversation flowing and it will prompt you to ask the big question who is Dad to you? So let’s dive in. 

I’ve got Jump Daddy with me here today, we’re going to explore so many lessons about what we can gain from our parents, what we can gain from their life lessons, and how to do that now that we are adults just like them. So welcome to another episode of Growing Pains. Today, I have with me one of the duo that is behind some pretty creative work. But today I’m speaking with one of the two. I’m speaking with Jump Daddy. 

Jump Daddy, it’s such a pleasure to be chatting to you today. 

Jump Daddy:  03:58
Likewise, thanks for having me on Growing Pains. 

Caroline: 04:03
I am, I love nicknames in the sense that I love them and I never use them so I am already, I can feel the cogs in my brain turning a little bit because I’m using a nickname and I’ve always thought to myself that nicknames are one of those things that I am only ever comfortable using when I’ve either the person says, hey call me bla or if I know the person really well and I know like I know the story and stuff so I’m going to go with the Hey call me blah in my comfortability as I get to know you and we share a little bit about the work that you do and how you can hopefully share some knowledge with our listeners about Growing Pains and some of the lessons that you’ve come across with the work that you do but before we get started, and it will probably help me loosen up a little. 

Jump Daddy:  05:04

Caroline:  05:04
Probably loosen up a little as well. We’re going to do some rapid fire questions. 

Jump Daddy:  05:09
Let’s do it. 

Caroline:  05:11
Do you consider yourself to be a fully grown up adult?

Jump Daddy:  05:14
No, absolutely not. I mean, going by the name Jump Daddy. 

Caroline:  05:20
Jump Daddy.

Jump Daddy:  05:21
I’m overcompensating there, because I’m not even yet a father, although hopefully that’s not too far in the future away. Yes, absolutely got a lot to learn, in terms of where I have been at in life, it’s kind of like the fable of the grasshopper and the ant. I’ve certainly, in my young adulthood now into my mid 30s been fortunate enough to kind of pursue the passion projects and things that I’ve wanted to do, made money to make a living, but not necessarily to then attain those markers of adulthood in terms of a house, a car other than the one I’m currently in, which is around Australia campervan. Yes, I think definitely a work in progress here on Jump Daddy’s side of the ledger.

Caroline:  06:18
Very good. Make sense. What’s your most embarrassing adult failure?

Jump Daddy:  06:24
Embarrassing adult failure? Well putting me on the spot here. Embarrassing adult failure? Oh, well, I do a little bit of work in schools and it’s really important when you’re doing work in schools to check in on things and make sure everything is good to go before you run the activity. In this activity I was doing, I came into a school where I hadn’t really thought beforehand of the demographic of the students and it involved some lollies as rewards for the students and various students one things that were full of excitement and enthusiasm and then at the end, one student came up to me quite honestly and said, excuse me sir, are these allow? No and the teacher at the time is like, oh, yes, I’m sure they are and then I took a moment after the class to check and what was one of the main ingredients it was collagen IIA derivative of. 

Caroline:  07:31
Oh, no.

Jump Daddy:  07:33
The students in question, I know that a lot of them didn’t actually ate it, because they are, careful about that stuff in and of themselves. But it’s always one of those reminders that even though you’re the adult in the educational setting, sometimes you do, well, all the time, you’ve got to retain your own vigilance to ensure you’re imparting the right knowledge or in this case, the right food stuff. 

Caroline:  07:56
Sugar free. 

Jump Daddy:  07:58

Caroline:  08:01
Yes. Okay, cool. That’s a good one. When it comes to an adult fail. Who is a more grown up adult that you rely on?

Jump Daddy:  08:12
I would say. Well, I would say definitely my mother. My mother figures quite a lot in my life. One of the sort of passion projects we’ve been pursuing is a family one where we’ve worked together on a film as co-producers and she has an immense amount of patience for the details, for the to dos for the boring but important that go into everything in life, particularly in getting a film made, a film screen around the country and I still have much to learn for her. I enjoy working with her and I do often admire how put together she is in a professional and personal capacity now that I’m very much in age terms, at least an adult as well.

Caroline:  09:04
Moms are pretty incredible. Say– I say that because I’m a mom, I’m like yes moms are the shape. 

Jump Daddy:  09:10

Caroline:  09:11
We’re got it. Now, if you were to choose someone to play you in a movie to play you today or you in your like 80s who were the actors that you would choose?

Jump Daddy:  09:29
I have been approached a couple of times on the straight with people asking if I was Cillian or Killian Murphy– I don’t know how to pronounce it but let’s say Cillian Murphy, I’ll go with that. He’s a plump, blue eyed Irishman, which is something I can aspire to. I’ll take that right now. Obviously, I’d probably look like Cillian Murphy, who’s had a bit of a dodgy diet and not washed in a few days but passing resemblance. In terms of later on in life, that’s a tricky one, isn’t it? Why not another Australian controversial treasure? How about Mel Gibson? I like the way he’s gone for the great years. Now, that he’s returned, he’s like, [Crosstalk 00:10:16] Yes, exactly and he’s still good as a fire or perhaps a rage inside which I have to admire. In a world full of readily canceled people and celebrities, the fact that Mel Gibson has come back through the strength of whatever.

Caroline:  10:34
He’s fighting.

Jump Daddy:  10:35
Exactly is, I think, something to be admired.

Caroline:  10:40
Very good. You’ve painted so many pictures in our minds and the minds of our listeners now. Hence, why we do rapid fire because I think it gives us a little bit of a starting point as to learning a little bit about you. But as I mentioned, when we started today, you are a part of a duo, you and Dr. Tom, the host of what I would say is a bloody incredible podcast. 

Jump Daddy:  11:11

Caroline:  11:12
I’ve listened to a few of the episodes and I just find myself fascinated with what you’ve been creating with your podcast but you both come from really different backgrounds and what I find the most interesting is this kind of mix that you have as you share the questions and experiences from young people as they’re talking to their dads but when you think about your personal experiences as a young adult, and the communication that you had with your parents, you’ve already spoken about your mom. Were there any key challenges that you noticed when it comes to that communication between you and your parents?

Jump Daddy:  11:58
Yes, great question. Just quickly, the podcast is called Dad to me and the format is basically we bring into the studio, adult children. People like you, and I, Caroline, for example, who have parents, which is all of us. 

Caroline:  12:16
Which is all of us.

Jump Daddy:  12:17
Yes, and crucially, their parents who is still alive or in this case, dads, who is still alive and we post them. We say, hey, what are some questions you’d love to ask dad, but you’ve never quite been able to do it. It’s too awkward. It’s a bit scary or you just feel you don’t have that relationship. We get those questions from the adult children. We say, get out of here, get out of the studio because next comes in dad and Dr. Tom, my cohost, and I then take these questions and post them to dad and because the adult child, the family member isn’t in the studio with Dad, it’s just us. He tends to open up all the more and we’ve had some really interesting insights and connections or clarifications of stories or unearthing of stories that the kids didn’t even know existed. 

Yes, I mean, for me, my own father had passed away a few years before we started recording the podcast and what was really resonant about the idea for me was that of those questions that you just always had hesitated on and really in retrospect, over thought, and just never quite asked dad, and then it’s all too late. In my circumstance, I know my dad grew up in a very different world. He was a working class kid, strongly Irish Catholic family from Melbourne. He was a bit of an older father and I really had a lot of questions. I think for him about his life growing up as his life as a young man, about how he came up and into the world. The questions I wish I’d asked because I think, if nothing else, that could have given a bit of relief and reflection on the challenges we all experience as we’re coming into ourselves as a young adult. 

But again, with my dad being an older father, I’d only ever known him as very much a man, even a late middle aged or elderly man and it wasn’t necessarily a clear mental connection or point of conversation that we would have or that sustained our relationship, those things to do with his past and I felt that was something after he passed away that I’d always wanted to know more about and working with Dr. Tom, we thought, well, there’s that situation in many other situations when it comes to conversation with fathers that doesn’t really end up happening that we think we can tackle by using podcasts as a platform.

Caroline:  14:59
Yes. Wow, that’s incredible. I’m sure there’s a lot of people that are listening that, as you said, have parents that are still alive that they wish they could find the courage or the means to really sit down and have those discussions but having been even listening to the podcast as a prompter, could be that first step to opening up those discussions. I think that it would definitely make start to break down some of those challenges, those communication challenges that we’ve all had at different points and as you said, I think, also taking into consideration where when you really tune into that and realize– Start to realize that you do want to tap into this relationship and find out more about the person as opposed to the parent. Sometimes you then look and go, actually, he was an older man, as opposed– In your case, as opposed to a young dad or whatever else. Yes, that’s [Crosstalk 00:16:04]

Jump Daddy:  16:04
Yes, absolutely and it was something that one of our guests related to us after the experience of recording was that, oh, my goodness, I’d never really actually properly conceived of my father or either of my parents for that matter. As human beings prior to me being born, I’ve only conceived or what or cared about their existence or really known about their existence as it aligns with my own life. 

Caroline:  16:36

Jump Daddy:  16:37
I think that’s– There are a number of things that go into that, I think, the nature of parenting these days particularly in a quote-unquote Western context. It is so much about the child in terms of reinforcing their comfort, that notions of self-esteem, what they want to do and very little responsibility is placed on the child to then turn back and think of, oh, how a mom and dad doing, what’s their story? What do they want from me or one from me? While of course, that makes sense, that dynamic of parents giving makes sense for kids when they’re 3 or they’re 13. By the time you’re 23 or 33, often that dynamic hasn’t– Still hasn’t changed and that’s where we get really stuck in these entrenched modes of communication where it’s still very much about– It’s still very much just an update on how a school today or to how’s your work going and it’s still that almost superficial level of conversational engagement where now we’ve actually got two adults in the room. Let’s try and take advantage of that.

Caroline:  17:53
I think that what’s interesting is there’s this real fight and this push and pull dynamic that happens when young people are fighting for their independence in those first few years and that’s the audience that we’re hoping or tuning into this podcast are at that young adult stage. They’re really just finding their feet, they’re finding their own voice, they’re finding their independence but they might be starting to realize that they are sitting with another adult. Yes, one that’s also their parent but I think that as they’re entering those early stages of adulthood, there’s a real opportunity there to call on that fellow adult and to seek advice or to just help them break down those communication barriers with the guests that you’ve had on the podcast. Have there been any key lessons that you’ve come across, that have come up as experiences, in the episodes that you’ve recorded that you could share with our listeners?

Jump Daddy:  19:04
Yes, absolutely. I’m thinking of one episode in particular, where it was a father and daughter combination and the daughter had followed her father into the same industry and in this case, in the practice of architecture and it was really interesting to hear how, as a part of the opening up of the dad, one thing he talked about was the incredible pressure he felt in work situations where he, for one of a better word or a better phrase, wasn’t the boss when he was working for other people, particularly in an office environment. He found it stressful like we all do but more to the point of– Stressful to the point of physical illness, debilitating mental blockages, so on and so forth and yet, while the daughter, the child who herself ultimately became an architect while she was growing up. Her father had successfully to a degree hidden that from the family he’d never really shared or related how stressful he found his early career in his industry but he went on to suffer some really acute health crises. Because of it, and very much stoically tried to keep it to himself but how the family experienced it was when he was at home, it could be quite combustible, quite loud, quite angry and then for her to hear this, it was a huge eye opener to understand. Oh, that’s why dad was actually like that at home during my younger years but they– She recognizes exactly the same feelings herself, she herself has decided she can’t work in a bigger practice in an office because she finds it acutely taxing to her mental health and she’s found a way to pursue her professional goals where she works independently and it really works for her but it really, was that like father like daughter, they really [Crosstalk 00:21:14] 

Caroline:  21:14
Without even realizing. 

Jump Daddy:  21:16
Without even realizing and that. 

Caroline:  21:18

Jump Daddy:  21:18
It reflected that could have been something really helpful and useful to know when she was first entering the workplace. I’m not actually crazy or totally different from everyone else. In fact, there’s somebody really close to me who’s felt the same way and might be able to give me some advice on how to deal with it.

Caroline:  21:36
Really, what that comes down to is that human to human experience a lot. When we share our experiences, be it with fellow adults or whoever else, we can find a common thread and it provides an opportunity for empathy and understanding but I think, I know that I experienced this myself, when you first become an adult, the last thing you feel like doing is listening to your parents. They’re the last people, you’re constantly seeking advice and stories and guidance from the outside world when, the perfect example that you’ve just given. Sometimes it’s right there, it’s right under your nose and it can also come from someone who is, you have a relationship with. It’s going to support you and guide you through that process. Wow, that’s a really interesting story [Crosstalk 00:22:29].

Jump Daddy:  22:29
Yes, I guess to build on what you’re saying there. It’s a question that emerges in my mind as we reflect on the series and as we do more episodes is, what is that inflection point? Because, yes, you’ve got to be guided and you will happily ate up the advice of your parents. Let’s say, arbitrarily speaking from ages, zero to 12 and then there is that important teenage young adult stage where it’s best for you to step out of the domestic bounds and in this case, the mental bounds of your parent’s advice, your parent’s stories, your parents experience.

Caroline:  23:07

Jump Daddy:  23:07
But I suppose then there is that inflection point. Once we’re more established in our adult, we’ve made some of those challenging decisions, we’ve stepped out on our own and we are settling now into adult life, some things decisions have been made, where pursuing things on a longer term basis be that, let’s say a marriage or having children of our own or settling down somewhere and at that point, the parental advice, I think becomes very much welcome. Once more. The question is, are the relationships ready to be conduits for that advice? Or are we still at that stage of shut up, mom. Shut up dad, that’s still at that 15-year-old stage where the conversation hasn’t quite caught up with your own development.

Caroline:  23:56
Yes, and sometimes that just takes time. Sometimes we have to wait for in athletics or 40s. 

Jump Daddy:  24:03

Caroline:  24:04
It will come hopefully. Now, we may have some listeners out there who don’t come from traditional, for lack of better words, nuclear family sitting who may be estranged from their parents or who may just not have that person that’s right there to call on. Have you found that in any of the discussions that you’ve had for the podcasts or just anywhere in your circles and community other avenues where people can seek out advice from some more senior levels? [Crosstalk 00:24:40]

Jump Daddy:  24:40
It’s such a good question and I mean, I think to answer that in a bit of a roundabout way. I think, first of all, the experience of talking to these older men, these dads of adult children. How much more of an appreciation I have for that notion of mentorship and of seeking out, whatever we want to call them elders, seniors, mentors in your respective community, and being able to find a way to listen to them and for them to impart knowledge in a way that’s stimulating and satisfying for them. For one of a better word useful for you, I have to say, I got so many life hacks and life tips as the host of this podcast, listening in on and prompting the dads to go a little bit further on how they did that or how they got over that or how they achieved that or simply a really practical routine they’ve gotten into with their life that enables them to get on with the day and start the week bright or whatever it may be. There’s such a wellspring of knowledge out there. I guess what I would say is, yes, it’s absolutely valuable and it doesn’t necessarily need to come from a parent. What I don’t have an answer for particularly in this day and age where we are increasingly atomized or individual and spending more and more time on our own in front of our phone and less and less likely to necessarily have a close relationship with older people. What I would say, though, is that in my own life, a project like this, other projects that I can think of that I’ve undertaken which have drawn in, say, friends of my parents or older people from the community have been a really fruitful way to make connections where you’re actually doing something with the older person, if that makes sense. Rather than just badgering them, tell me what I should do. If it’s something. 

Caroline:  24:42
Give me all the secrets.

Jump Daddy:  26:45
Exactly, if it’s something you can do and maybe there’s a community group from something like a community choir or to a men’s shed or if there is a genuine project, like we had with this podcast, other projects I’ve had in the past where you can actually work with older people, and not make assumptions that it’s an intergenerational thing that shouldn’t be broached but rather really embrace the fact that there might be multiple generations working towards a common goal in and of doing that activity in itself, conversation relationship will build and that’s where the gold tends to be for everyone.

Caroline:  27:22
Say true and in that almost passive way of when your hands are busy or your body is busy and you can just let the conversation flow. Look, I find that even with my children who are a lot younger than the children while they’re young adults, we’re talking about the moment. Being in the car with them is just golden for conversation. I’m not eyeballing them, I’m looking at the road. They don’t feel the pressure of me firing questions at them and I do find because we’re doing this passive activity of driving to a place or maybe when we’re cooking or things like that, I do find that there are the moments that we have our deepest connections and they’re free to just let the conversation flow as opposed to sit down I need to talk to you.

Jump Daddy:  28:16
Absolutely and that’s the thing. I suppose when you do have that adult in your life, well that mentor, that elder, that senior, that person you look up to. We also need to be careful again in this day and age where we’re becoming increasingly, I think, inept at face-to-face communication. We can make a brilliant Instagram post or something like that but when it comes to actually talking to somebody in the flesh, there are some things we need to just take a moment and think through and of course, it’s that okay, how can we set up an environment whether it is through doing a project or being in a car, being on a road trip together? Great way of having some great conversations but also if you do want to sit down with them, where’s is going to be a comfortable place? Probably not over the Christmas dinner table while they’re passing you the turkey. Hey, Dad, what about that woman you met were married to before mom? Is there a time that you [Crosstalk 00:29:11] go for a walk? Get him into a situation where first of all there’s a bit of privacy and trust and confidence shown to one another? I think we live in a day and age of so much sharing and indeed oversharing and that’s just not something that older generations were raised in and nor should we think that if they’re going to offer us some insights that we need to meet them halfway. Have a think about what’s going to be again for one of a better phrase in it for them. What can we do to really show that it’s not just all about us, getting the good word but really building a relationship through a bit of mutual understanding.

Caroline:  30:00
With the dads you’ve spoken to, specifically on the podcast, what have their thoughts been on the communication they’re having with their adult children? Have there been any key insights or things that after the experience they’ve said, I really– I can say I should be doing this or I really wish that my child, adult child would approach things in this way. Were there any learnings from that process in that way?

Jump Daddy:  30:31
Yes, I think we set out with this project. One of the things we wanted to give people almost in return for participating is a document, a little family treasure of a point in time of the grown child and the father’s relationship where we get to hear from them in a meaningful way on meaningful subjects and I think we succeeded in that. People have something that they really value and listen back to and they’re really listening when they listen back to these podcasts that we made. The second very pleasing thing though, was that afterwards, time and again, people would come back to us and say, ‘Well, I have had a length and depth of conversation with my dad outside of the actual podcast process and recording that I haven’t had, ever that it really opened up some of the conversational floodgates’ and again, I think that’s because they did something together like they’d worked on something together. It wasn’t too hermetically sealed worlds colliding, how was school? How was work? It was going from that oh that podcast experience that we went, comparing notes, what they thought was fun, what they thought was difficult, which hosts they thought was more attractive and then from there.

Caroline:  31:57
Obviously, not perfect host.

Jump Daddy:  32:00
That point of mutual experience, then, is a trigger for real conversation, is trigger for real connection on all subjects.

Caroline:  32:11
Yes, wow. Well, for those of you who are listening, that are like I need to key more, we will make sure that the podcast details are in our show notes so you can go and listen to all of the episodes. They’re all available wherever you get your podcasts but we’ll make sure we’ve got the links to the more common, apple and Spotify and wherever else. You can get some of these episodes into your ears and you can also maybe see how a setting like that can open up the doors to some broader conversations and you might be able to take some of those techniques into your conversations with your parents, if there’s something that you really want to know. Jump Daddy, you were saying you work with your mum at the moment. Are there any pressing questions that you haven’t put to her? Or do you both have just this open, beautiful relationship where she just knows your fire? [Crosstalk 00:33:13]

Jump Daddy:  33:13
Yes, I think to be honest, yes. Working on a film project with my mum that we’re both co producers on and that’s been great, particularly after my father passed away a few years ago to maintain, again, that closeness with my mother at a time when she was now alone but to be able to do it in such a way where it wasn’t the weight of just full frontal. Here I am mom, I’m here for dinner, I’m calling you up just to see how you are but the fact of we would be doing that, all the while achieving something else together has been really satisfying. I think– To be honest, I think with that I’ve always been extremely open with my mom and she likewise and I think that was also therefore, the impetus for me for doing this podcast about dads where at least in my experience but it does seem in terms of people we’ve reached out to, people that have been on the show that the challenge is, at least initially more acute with the Father. In general, of course, all mothers and fathers are different but to generalize, we found that as an initial talking point people really resonated with that idea of opening dads up a bit more because for whatever reason, that there does just tend to be a bit more of an intimacy or closeness with our moms, even if it’s just more time spent together perhaps. 

Caroline:  34:45
Yes, sure. 

Jump Daddy:  34:46
Where I think it’s a slightly different situation. That’s not to say that Dr. Tom and I don’t want to do a series on mothers. I think that’s something we’d love to do in the future but I think the format would probably want to be a little bit different in terms of what we were doing and trying to achieve with whatever guests we have on that show but maybe I can ask the question of you, Caroline, what do you think as a young mother yourself and as somebody with a mother, would you cast a distinction between father and mother, in terms of openness or lack of openness?

Caroline:  35:29
I think for me, it’s not necessarily a level of openness. I know in our household, we have a really open communication line with our children and we try to really model how we want them to communicate in the world. We’re very clear when– I even had a conversation with my son the other day about, he’s quite young, he’s only 9 and I said, ‘Did you go brush your teeth?’ And he was like, and I looked at him, I’m like, you’re just lying to my face. 

Jump Daddy:  36:06

Caroline:  36:06
We sat down and I said, oh, this isn’t actually about your teeth, this is about the bond that we have and the trust that we have and these little lies turn into opportunities to create a distance between us and I’d much rather you tell me the truth and we can hold on to the trust that we have, we can nurture that to be somewhere, nurture that to create a space where you have the opportunity to trust me to talk about anything, even if you know it’s going to upset me and he was probably looking at me going, Oh, this woman is talking about like this huge issue when I just didn’t brush my teeth. 

Jump Daddy:  36:41

Caroline:  36:43
The fundamental core of how we communicate is really similar. As in between my husband and I, I’ve definitely had moments where I had a case last year during the Melbourne lockdown, where I decided to start painting again, and I hadn’t painted for 20 years and no one in my household had ever seen me paint on a canvas and I painted these ridiculously big pieces. It was something I was really passionate about when I was younger and my children were like, where the hell have you been hiding this skill? Tell me more about them and I realized that there was this whole part of me that they knew nothing about and if it hadn’t have been for the fact that I had all this spare time on my hands and I needed to keep myself busy. I probably would never have pulled out the paints, I wouldn’t have bought more canvases, I wouldn’t have done any of that. I didn’t have any of those things in my home, I had to purchase everything because as I said, 20 years is a long time. I think that no matter if it’s moms or dads, there is always so much more that is behind a human being and an adult that their kids have no idea about and I do often surprise my kids, I’ll do something and they’re like, what? I’m like, oh, yes, I know how to do that. I just don’t do it every day. 

Jump Daddy:  38:04

Caroline:  38:04
It’s so much more for me than what you don’t realize.

Jump Daddy:  38:07
Yes, that’s such an interesting concept because I think if the dad is the notional– Generalized notion of the dad, the dad is this. Sometimes it’s almost stranger who has this life that you don’t know about but that’s often because he’s a little bit more distant than the mom is somebody who you think you know really well. 

Caroline:  38:32
Yes. You have no idea.

Jump Daddy:  38:33
She has this whole other life. I really like the way that you put that because I think that also helps us conceptualize our future series. 

Caroline:  38:41
Oh, yes. Well we can do that. 

Jump Daddy:  38:44
That’s it but yes, I think that’s an interesting tension as well because I think that’s it. People will readily say to you, yes, I don’t– My dad, we don’t really talk that much or there’s a bit of distance or I haven’t spoken to him in ages. Whereas mama will typically be, oh, yes, I was talking to mom the other day and mom this and mom that. I know mom. 

Caroline:  39:03
You think you know her really well.

Jump Daddy:  39:04
Because my mom, I know her really well, but it’s like, yes, but she wasn’t always your mom. She wasn’t always a mom. 

Caroline:  39:08
Yes. The secret life of mom’s. 

Jump Daddy:  39:11
That’s it. There we go.

Caroline:  39:12
There you go. You’re getting your first guide. 

Jump Daddy:  39:15
I love it.

Caroline:  39:18
Well, it’s funny, even as you were just saying that. I was thinking about that I speak at schools and do programs sometimes and sometimes we do school holiday programs and my youngest son was attending one and I hadn’t told him that when I dropped him off that I was actually the keynote on the day. 

Jump Daddy:  39:36

Caroline:  39:37
I hung around told him I was hanging around and then I got up and started speaking and he was looking around going, what the hell is she doing? In my keynote, I was sharing a bit about my journey and how my journey into business and being an entrepreneur and to some of the things I’ve done in my life and the end. He was I didn’t know that you’d lived in London and I didn’t know that you’d and, yes. Very much like who is this woman who I think that I know, because I spent too much time with her and she has this whole secret life that I’m not aware of. Yes. There’s a lot out there and I guess for our listeners, just sit down and have a chat, make a coffee. Just say, hey, what were you doing when you were 18?

Jump Daddy:  40:19
Yes. [Crosstalk 00:40:23]

Caroline:  40:22
Where you were living with? 

Jump Daddy:  40:24
What about participants did come away with a slightly sick to the stomach feeling finding out a little bit too much about her father’s predilections or sexual appetites in his younger years? 

Caroline:  40:36
Yes, let’s not go there. That’s awkward. Yes, like censor it. Just go, these are the parameters of the things I would like to know about you. These are the parameters of things that I just never, I can’t unsee or hear that. Please don’t tell me any of these categories and then we’ll be fine. I didn’t learn when my teenage– Now my teenage son but when he first started hitting that stage, I did learn that your kids talking to you about their love lives and sex lives or whatever is just as awkward as your parents too. 

Jump Daddy:  40:40

Caroline:  40:48
Just awkward.

Jump Daddy:  41:12
We really don’t want to hear that. Yes. 

Caroline:  41:17
To wrap us up today, I am really curious, especially in the context of communication. If you could go back and give your 18-year-old self some advice, maybe around communication and reaching out and connecting with your parents, maybe even specifically, your dad, what would that be?

Jump Daddy:  41:38
Oh, wow, such a great question. I think that 18 years old that inflection point where there are decisions around further studies, around vocation, things like that. I think that’s just a great conversational point to without judgment or without even wanting to get anything specific out of it, to really look to ask the parent or in this case, the Dad, what did they do at this age? Even hearing that story of their decision making process, why they decided to pursue studies. Why my dad, for example, was the first child in his family to go to university? Why did he choose that? What were the challenges there? How did he find it? Did he enjoy it? Did he not? What did he? How did he get into his industry in his workplace? Many of these stories are just so taken for granted and yet of course they were 18 once as well, they absolutely had real difficulties just as you will at age 18 and of course, you can see a movie, you can go to a careers seminar and hear all anecdotes and things like that about some stranger being 18 and the things they did or the challenges they overcame but it’s never going to quite hit as hard as hearing it. If you’re open to hearing it from somebody as close to you as a parent and I have to say after interviewing many Parent-Child, couples for want of a better word, there is genetic inheritance, it’s there. There are some habits or approaches or mindsets or just ways of being that you’re going to take from your parent and you might find that you can really learn something from them because you are the same as them in some way. 

Caroline:  43:35
Yes. Nature versus nature. There’s a lot in that. 

Jump Daddy:  43:38
Yes, absolutely. 

Caroline:  43:40
Wow. Well, it’s been an absolute delight chatting to you today. Thank you so much for your time. You have done Dr. Tom proud, I think. Really, very impressed that how you represented the duo. For as I said to our listeners, for anyone who would like to listen to the Dad to me podcast. We’ll have all of the details in our show notes.

Jump Daddy, you’re a legend. Thank you so much for your time today. I hope that you’ve maybe got some new questions for mum, I think. 

Jump Daddy:  44:19

Caroline:  44:20
You might need that.

Jump Daddy:  44:21
I love that idea of secret lives of mums.

Caroline:  44:24
Secret life of mums.

Jump Daddy:  44:25
I think you put it best Caroline, I love it. This podcast has been highly profitable for me. Thanks for having me. I really appreciate this and what you’re doing here and yes, I hope I can be ever more thoughtful in terms of interactions with dads, with moms, with people of different generations as well as what lollies I bring to schools stick to the barley sugars, no additives of anything, of any kind.

Caroline:  44:55
Yes, sticks of the safe stuff. Try to keep growing as a more grown up adult and keep tending to your mom because mom’s are awesome. Thank you so much Jump Daddy. To our listeners, we will chat to you again soon on the next episode of Growing Pains. 

Well, that was lots of fun. I always find it really fascinating when I get to jump into these episodes because you never really know what’s going to come. It’s a two-way street conversation and even for me who, I love chatting to people on the podcast, I have quite a few episodes and be it between this one and other podcasts that are hosts under my belt but it’s a real dance that you do when you have conversation sand really that’s what Jump Daddy and I have talked about today. That dance you have when you try to sit down with someone, walk with someone, drive with someone, do an activity with someone and continue to have a conversation along the way. I guess what I’d like you to do is to have a think about how you can connect. Be it with your parents be with someone that you see as a guardian or someone that you see as a mentor or an elder in your life and have a think about what you’d like to know about their life. There’s that real push and pull of wanting to do it on your own and wanting to find your own way and wanting to pave that way yourself and I completely understand that but they are such a valuable resource and they have often taken roles on that are far beyond the role of being your parents. Have a chat, see what you can find out and you never know they may have had similar Growing Pains to you and they may be able to share some insights with you that will help you ease your own Growing Pains.